| it's been a while... |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|11:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Well. It's been almost a year since I last posted here. A bit less than, but almost. I don't know why I feel compelled to start again now, but there you go.
My life has been very strange lately. I've been single for nearly 3 months now. It's... weird. And hard. And everything is still really confusing. And I'm lonely a lot, but I also feel very anti-social. More than usual, even. I've just been working and then coming home and staying shut in by myself until it's time to go to bed so I can get up at 6 and do it all over the next day. It's an odd sort of existence.
Today I went for brunch with Matt, and then we got kicked out of a liquor store because he's still under 21. Lame. Then my bestest friend from home and his boy toy came up for dinner (I made corn chowdah) and drinks and Buffy. It was a good time. I made up a Buffy drinking game so we could get sloshed while partaking of our favorite pasttime. Joey drank a bottle of wine by himself; I only had two glasses of orange mango juice + coconut rum. I was far from drunk, but pleasantly fuzzy is good enough. We played with my skip-it and I got hit with it and it almost flew off the balcony, and I got out my plastic sword and showed off the one move that Cole managed to teach me. It was nice, being around people. Especially people who I feel no need to impress, you know? I can just... be.
I spent the time between brunch and this evening's Buffy-related shenanigans cleaning and re-arranging the apartment. I had to take my art desk apart to get it through the hallway and now I can't get it back together completely. Awesome.
Tomorrow I'm going to make myself go down to the Queen Street block party to visit Cassie while she does her henna thing. Crowds make me all claustrophobic, especially when I'm by myself, buuut I don't have much else to do until the evening and I haven't seen Cassie in far too long. Honestly, one of the weirdest things about the break-up is that I've had to get used to doing things alone. For so long I've had someone to do all the little stuff with. It's a bit of an adjustment. |
|
|
| inches and falling |
[Jul. 8th, 2006|12:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  listless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Dog Problems," The Format | ] |
The weather was absolutely gorgeous today, so of course I was stuck at work. Things were slow but bearable until just before I left, when my manager made one comment and my whole mood just took a nosedive. I don't understand why I care so much about a job I don't even like. Why I have this sense of responsibility to a place I'd just as soon never set foot in again, at least not on the clock.
My happiness is too fragile. I don't like that. It shouldn't be that easy to ruin my good moods.
My birthday is coming up. I'll be 23. Adam keeps asking me what I want, and I don't really know. There are so many things I want, miles of books and DVDs and camera lenses and filters and art supplies and kitchen gadgets. But I want them all in the abstract. When it comes time to actually pick one to take home, none of them seem that important anymore. Just so many pretty objects that I don't really need. Unfortunately most of the things I really want aren't able to be wrapped up in a bow and given as gifts.
I didn't actually start writing this with the intention of sounding so morose. I'm kind of annoying myself now.
The more I think about things, the more depressed I get. Not just me and my issues, but everything. The way the world is, the way people are. The way reality never lives up to my expectations, and how sad that is, because my expectations are pretty fucking low. The fact is that I want some pretty simple things from life, and for the most part those things have proven the most elusive.
This summer isn't shaping up quite how I imagined it would. No big surprise there, I guess.
On a lighter note, The Format's new album is excellent. It's pretty much all I've listened to for the last two days. |
|
|
| I only really need the one |
[Jul. 3rd, 2006|11:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Room Noises," Eisley | ] |
So today I finally got to hang out with Amanda, and it was good times indeed. Except then she and Chaz abandoned us to go hang out with someone else. For shame! No, I understand. But you better come visit me, bitch. And bring your pool.
In 3 minutes it'll be the 4th of July, and everyone will immediately leap from their beds and start barbecuing helpless animals in the name of our fair country while whistling the national anthem and knocking back a few beers. Or something like that. I work in the morning, but afterward I'm driving down to Camp Hill for an informal little gathering at my brother's place. I won't be barbecuing anything, though. Or whistling or knocking back. Just seein' people. I'm bringing my niece back with me to spend the night, something she's been wanting to do for a while. So that should be entertaining, or possibly terrifying. Hopefully the former.
My mouth is fucking killing me. My wisdom teeth have been coming in for a while, hurting for a bit and then going away, etc. Now there's this weird lump and it hurts really bad and I'm putting Oragel on it like every 15 minutes because I'm not really sure what to do. Going to the dentist would be the obvious choice, but look, Ma! No insurance! I'm hoping this thing works itself out, because otherwise I'm pretty much screwed. Anyone interested in purchasing a kidney?
Fuck, those are huge Indians. |
|
|
| I'll go if you come with me |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|12:55 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | melancholy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Sun, Sun, Sun," The Elected | ] |
So my hamster died sometime last night. We got up to try and take her to the vet and she was gone. We buried her under some ivy, next to her sister. I hope they're both frolicking in Hamster Heaven, with no cages in sight and all the peas they can eat.
It's sad. I didn't actually think I'd be quite this upset. This is why I've never liked having small pets. They don't last long enough. I get attached and then they're gone. My cat better live to be at least 15.
Work was pretty dead today, except for when Missy went to lunch and all the annoying people came out of the woodwork. The human gene pool has been contaminated. Anyone working with the public has seen this firsthand. I suppose I should be grateful; if the gene pool were regulated to keep out imperfection then my family probably wouldn't exist. But it's a sliding scale. You have your high-functioning fuck-ups like myself, you have your arrogant, entitled frat boys with liver damage, and you have people who should by all rights be strapped down in a padded room because they seemingly lack the ability to navigate even the simplest of life's tasks. Like, you know, not being a fucking moron. These people frequent Michael's. These people are going to be the death of me.
Anyway. I got a letter from Mason today. Oddly I feel like this situation has brought us closer. He wants me to send him some pictures and art, so I need to get some prints and copies made. I couldn't make it to his visit today, and I won't be able to next week either because I work 'til close. I hate that I'm missing two visits in a row. But I like that I want to go. I like that I feel compelled to visit my little brother. I like that I feel like a sister at all. My relationship with my siblings isn't bad, but it's a bit like all of my familial ties: somewhat detached. We don't see each other much. So it's nice to have this chance to be a sister, even if I'd rather not see him in there at all. Every cloud has a silver lining and all that jazz.
I think I'm making cookies tomorrow. And possibly going hiking. Definitely doing laundry. Now let's see if even one of those three things actually happens. |
|
|
| set yourself on fire |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|12:48 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Acoustic," Bayside | ] |
There were fireworks going off until after 11 tonight. I'd like to kick all of those people in the teeth. Not necessarily because I was trying to sleep (I wasn't), but because I was trying to watch Angel and I couldn't hear a goddamn thing even with all the windows closed and the volume cranked up way too high. Fucking ridiculous.
I love it when it's been so long since I've watching something that it's almost like seeing it for the first time. Except I know what's going to happen, and how the story ends. But still! I need to embark on my annual-ish Buffy and Angel marathon, now that it's summertime and the livin' is slightly easier. Good times. It would be better if I had someone to watch it with, though. Joe and I used to have Buffy marathons all the time, but now I'm all alone with my TV. It's kind of sad. But at least there'll be no one around to witness me singing along once I get to "Once More, With Feeling." So that's a plus, I guess.
I should really be sleeping. We need to get up super early and try to take the hamster to the vet before we both have to go to work. She's not doing well. It's really sad. And also badly timed. I'm in a very good place right now, financially-speaking. The last thing I need is vet bills. But what can you do?
I've been thinking about looking for a second job, because although I might be able to get more hours at Michael's, I really don't want them. I'm so bored with this job. I've been there for over a year now, and I can't even stand it anymore. It's the same thing every day. It's driving me nuts. I latch onto new people like they're fucking oxygen, because it's all stagnant. And this is me we're talking about. Little Miss I Don't Like Meeting New People. Well, I don't. But it's either converse with the new blood - which the framing department never has anyway - or go batshit crazy. I swear to god, making sandwiches at the bagel shop was more mentally stimulating. At least they played actual music. At Michael's they play the same two or three inoffensive, elevator-style jingles over and over again. They're imprinted on my skull.
In the midst of all this ranting, I should take a moment to say that I actually do like the people I work in the shop with. That and my mysterious sense of duty and responsibility is rapidly becoming all that's keeping me there. I feel like I can't leave, because one other guy is leaving soon and they have to train someone to replace him. And they're painfully slow about hiring people for the shop. So I feel like I'd be leaving a big hole that they'd have trouble filling. I also feel a bit like I'd be betraying my co-workers. Which is fucked up, really. It's a part-time job. But I guess I form bonds. Or maybe I just like to make myself feel way more important than I am. Either way, I feel a bit trapped. Like I can't get out even if I want to. I don't like that feeling. It's more than a little suffocating.
I'm in a weird place right now. My life feel simultaneously stagnant and rushing by faster than I can manage.
Anyway. Let's balance out all that negativity, shall we? Five things I am happy about right now: getting to hang out with Amanda this weekend, the enormous amount of fruit in my fridge right now, having Sunday and Monday off, being able to pay my bills for another month at least, and finally finding a way to wear the awesome-but-too-long skirts I bought at Target months ago without looking like a stumpy Hobbit. |
|
|
| Spamalot |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|12:43 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Dusk and Summer," Dashboard Confessional | ] |
The best spam email I have received to date:
Do you want your dick be even more attractive than your face?
Do you even have to ask?! Seriously, if my dick was even half as attractive as my face I'd be rolling in ladies. All I ever hear when I'm trying to work my magic is how ugly my junk is. |
|
|
| Cherries! |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|11:54 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Moon Over The Freeway," The Ditty Bops | ] |
( Life is like... )
This morning, after the rain finally stopped and it was confirmed that we didn't need to start gathering two of every animal, Adam and I went cherry picking. We came away with 12 pounds of cherries for a grand total of $12.00. I can't get over how cheap they were. Picking them was fun as well - we'll probably go back another time or two before cherry season is over.
I see a cherry cobbler in my very near future. |
|
|
| the streets are turning into rivers |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|12:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Acoustic," Bayside | ] |
So it's been raining like mad tonight. It's nuts. Michael's is decidedly NOT watertight, which made my evening at work interesting. The stockroom floor was covered in water, and it was leaking out onto the sales floor. And water was seeping in through the basement walls. The conrete basement walls. That is easily the least effective concrete I've ever come across. The ceiling in the frame shop leaks as well, right over the very large and very heavy drymount machine. Which I had to move by myself. And which I then had to hoist a large trash can over and climb up and over in order to set the trash can up to catch the offending drips. Awesome. I kept having customers while I was trying to recover, too. It's like, seriously, why are you here? It's a fucking torrential downpour outside and you just decide to hop in your car and hydroplane your way down to Michael's for a little bit of light shopping? Come on now. Go home.
Adam came in to visit on his way home and started organizing things like he worked there. He's such a compulsive straightener, it's adorable.
So my birthday is coming up in a bit less than a month, and I've been thinking about what I want to do. My family never really has a party or anything, so I'm thinking about taking a few days off of work and going camping. I've been wanting to go to Farm Sanctuary for ages, and it's conveniently close to Watkins Glen State Park, so I was thinking we could combine the two activities and make a little weekend trip of it. Camping, hiking, cuddling cows. Sounds like a good time to me! Plus renting a campsite is way cheaper than any other lodging option. So now I just need to make sure Adam can get the days off, and see if my mom still has a tent we can use.
Bonus: I'll definitely be planning a stop in Bethlehem on our way up and back, because I recently learned that there's a kick-ass vegan bakery there. I plan to stuff myself silly. It'll be my birthday, after all. And how many chances does a person get to have vegan soft serve? Not many, at least if that person lives in Lancaster.
Sometime this week, probably Thursday unless it's still raining by then, we're going the pick cherries at a local orchard. I'm really way too excited about this. I have plans. Delicious, cherry-centric plans.
In other news, I think my oven is fucked up. That is all. |
|
|
| the one where the library takes all my money |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|02:06 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Want One," Rufus Wainwright | ] |
A few weeks ago I checked 5 books out of the library. I went to the library's online thing and renewed them all before they were due back, because even though I'd finished 3 of the 5 I was feeling too lazy to take them back. Tonight I went to re-check the new due date and what do I find? Somehow my renewal didn't take, even though the changes were listed before, and now I owe the fucking library almost ten bucks.
You know what this means, of course. I have to drop the books covertly, perhaps under the cover of night and a snazzy black turtleneck, and then steer clear of that particular establishment until I have ten dollars to part with. Because at this moment I do not. Way to f me in the a, Duke Street Library. If I didn't already know how to read I think I'd stay illiterate just to spite you motherfuckers.
This discovery put a damper on what was otherwise a pretty decent day. I talked to Amanda, and discovered that she's going to be home next weekend. I haven't seen her in forever, so I'm seriously excited about that. She's going to get in touch with another friend from high school and we're going to bum around Hampton Park, just like back in the day. And by "the day" I mean... jesus, 5 years ago. Is this what aging is like? You just blink and 5 years are gone? I think I need to invest in some anti-wrinkle cream.
My visit with Mason went well. I realized the other day that I've seen more of my little brother in the past few months that he's been incarcerated than I did when he was a free man. How's that for ten shades of fucked up? But it makes sense, in a way. Apparently I've been to more visits than anyone else, which manages to simultaneously puff me up with a bit of sisterly pride and then make me kind of mad at the rest of our family. I mean, what the fuck? I have to drive almost an hour each way and I've been at every visit that work hasn't made impossible. What's their excuse? Whenever I spend any extended period of time thinking about my family - really combing through the layers of history and memory and gossip - I can't help but get a little depressed. Don't get me wrong. I love my family. But at the same time I feel very apart from them. Not that I'm better or worse, just... different. Separate. It's confusing.
When I came home, Adam presented me with a little surprise: the Serenity graphic novel! I've been itching to get my hands on that thing lately, so it was an awesome treat. My obsession with Firefly/Serenity has really intensified recently, so I'm gobbling up whatever related content I can find with gleeful abandon. Good times.
Tomorrow is work. Eh. At least it's a short shift, and Sundays are usually pretty dead. If I find another sticky, dripping slushie cup tucked between the frames, I swear to christ I'm going to go apeshit on these people. What IS that? Are you five? Clean up after yourself, bitch! I suppose I should count my blessings, though. At least I don't have bathroom duty. |
|
|
| lay your armor down |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|01:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Dusk and Summer," Dashboard Confessional | ] |
I'm sitting here, just about to close up my computer for the night and (try to) get some sleep, and suddenly I feel like writing. In the journal I haven't updated in, say, just shy of an eon. So here I am, with the writing. And I don't even know what I want to say, or if I have anything to say at all.
This summer has been monumentally unexciting so far. Go to work, or don't. Waste time online, or go for a walk. I've been walking a lot. Read a book, watch some Firefly. Think about all the things I haven't done, and how the weight of that inaction makes it just that much harder to get going at all. It's a bit of twisted guilt. I haven't even touched my sketchbook since school ended nearly two months ago, and it's reprehensible. I know that. I want to dive back into drawing, painting, creating... but the fact that I haven't done anything, that so much time has passed and I have nothing to show for it, somehow makes me less likely to pick it up again. Like maybe I'm not good enough anymore. Like maybe I never was.
Good enough for what? Doodling in my sketchbook? My sketchbook that no one even looks at? I don't know. I've always had a problem putting down anything less than perfect on paper. It's self-defeating, to be sure. You can't get better if you don't practice. For some reason the idea of practice has never been valid in my mind. I need to be good at things right off the bat or I'm clearly not meant to do them at all. It's very all-or-nothing. And very fucked up, I am quite aware.
So summer is half over and that's what I have to show for it. Mind-numbing, soul-crushing retail experiences and a neurotic and continuous state of inertia. I haven't even seen much of my friends. I think I've hung out with Bre two or three times. I've seen Cassie once or twice, but only at other social functions. Of which I have attended only two, and even then I had to make myself go. I had fun once I was there, mostly, but getting there is hard. I haven't felt much like being social lately. I've never been what one would call a social butterfly, or even a social caterpillar. But it's worse lately. I feel very out of place. I've been drifting in and out of some major funks, and overall I'm just kind of depressed. It's pretty serious fun, I have to say.
I always have these grand visions of what summer should be. Campfires and fireflies and floating down rivers in big innertubes. Amusement parks and road trips and singing catchy pop songs into the wind. But then summer rolls around and all it ever is is fucking hot, too hot for campfires, and rollercoasters still make me sick no matter how much I love them, and neither my car nor my wallet would survive a road trip. I can never seen to reconcile the way things are with the way I think they should be. Reality is disappointing.
Tomorrow is Mason's visitation day, so I'm going to Harrisburg to see him. It hurts to see him in there. My little brother, behind a pane of bullet-proof glass. I wish I could say it's surreal, but it's not. Visiting people in jail has been one of the more constant aspects of my life.
His visit isn't until 6ish, so I think I'm going to drive up early and spend some time on the trail near my dad's house. I miss that place. I miss having somewhere quiet and out of the way to go. Somewhere to just be, alone, with no sirens or car horns or snippets of other people's conversations. I think my idea of heaven is a place where no one is looking at me.
I feel like I should make a quip about all this melancholy. Lighten things up a bit. Cover up any exposed bits before anyone gets the wrong impression. Or maybe I should just delete the whole thing. But I needed to write a little, indulge in some self-centered ranting. I've been putting it off because people I know read this. And yet I didn't just write it in my paper journal, for whatever reason. I don't know. It's not like I'm offending anyone. Shit, I'm only talking about how my summer is sucking balls and proving once again that I have The Big Issues. As if that's a surprise. So, whatever. I need to get some sleep. |
|
|
| suck |
[Apr. 25th, 2006|01:19 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Haughty Melodic," Mike Doughty | ] |
There really should be a "shitty" mood tag.
I was ready for school to be over about a week ago. I have one test left and at this point I don't even really care anymore. Which is pretty bad considering that I am the most annoying over-achieving perfectionist ever. I'm just so fucking sick of analyzing every work of art to death. It's all such a load of self-important academic masturbation. Assigning meaning to every minute detail, as if something can't have value based on visual appeal alone. Like it has to make some big statement to be worthwhile. Taking art history classes makes me really glad I'm not a "fine artist." I'd fucking kill myself.
I've been really depressed lately. Some of it is based in actual circumstances, but mostly it preceded them and it just... depression, I suppose. It's been more bipolar than usual, though. One minute I'm fine and the next I want to swallow a bottle of Tylenol and take The Big Nap. I don't know. I'm hoping that school being over for the year plus my other stuff being worked out will lead to a return to normal. Who knows.
Yeah, I don't really know why I'm writing this. I have nothing to say except that life is eating my soul and I kind of wish Michael's would burn down. |
|
|
| Free time? What? |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|12:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | busy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My iPod on shuffle | ] |
Apparently I haven't updated in 13 weeks. That's what the Livejournal "nudge" the Adrianna sent me said, anyway. I wasn't aware that LJ came with that sort of nagging capabilities.
I kid.
So yeah, it's been a while. School + work + homework = death. I'm sure you know how it is. And now that it's finals "crunch time" I'm basically spending every moment of spare time either a) huffing oil paint or b) drawing hands. Fun fun fun!
Tomorrow is easter and my family is gathering. It'll be good to see everyone, although it's really depressing to know that my little brother will be spending easter and his 19th birthday in jail. I really hope this smacks some sense into the kid. I had a dream last night that I was in jail, except instead of cells they put you in these stacked locker things. Like gym lockers. Awesome. It was really confusing because I think I was jail for, like, not paying a parking ticket or something.
Any family gathering also comes with the inevitable food awkwardness, which is of course always a boatload of fun. I am a vegan in a family of meat-eaters. Some of them even hunt. And eat veal. Luckily we're having this shindig at my sister Molly's house, and she's recently gotten into organic/whole foods so she at least knows what I do and don't eat. She even mentioned getting a vegan cake, which would be freaking amazing... but we'll see. I made peanut butter eggs to take with, so if nothing else I can eat those. I'm going to take the extra into school on Tuesday to help alleviate the tedious dual-class critique. It's good to have a snack for those things.
A Comcast guy was here this morning to fix our modem, except it only kind of got fixed. We had to take the air conditioner out of the window, and there was a bird's nest in the windowsill. It was empty, of course, but how cute is that? I took pictures but I'm too lazy to mess with them right now. The cat scared the crap out of us by getting up on the open THIRD FLOOR windowsill when we weren't looking and sticking half of her body out. Apparently she's suicidal.
Anyway. Back to painting. |
|
|
| somebody else's clothes |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|12:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Plans," Death Cab for Cutie | ] |
So I haven't written here in forever. I don't write much anymore, anywhere. Online or off. I miss it. I need to make/buy/find myself a nice blank book for journaling, because there's just something about pen and paper that a little white box can't replicate. An intimacy. A solidity. I miss it. I might pick up a Moleskine tomorrow when I go out to run some errands. I have a lovely, thick, leather-covered blank book that I bought a long, long time ago languishing in the closet, but I can't bring myself to use it. Because of the leather. It's such a small thing, a book, such a replaceable thing, that I can't justify not buying a new, animal-friendly one. But I probably won't throw it away, either. I don't know why.
Today was my first day back at school. I had Figure Anatomy II, Digital Illustration, and Modern/Post-Modern Art. All went fine. It was really nice to just plunge right back into drawing with Jeff. That's the benefit of a semester-spanning course, I suppose. We had a good model, too. Her hair was amazing to draw and lent itself very well to conte. Digital Illustration isn't quite what I thought it would be. I have fairly extensive experience with Photoshop and Illustrator, so with the exception of learning InDesign I think it's going to be largely a review-type class for me. Which is fine, really. An easy grade and a chance to polish up some neglected skills. I'm using a lot more natural media these days, which is wonderful and in a lot of ways makes me feel more like a real artist. But I do miss working digitally, and when I go back to it things don't flow as easily anymore. So hopefully this will help.
I drew a lot tonight. Just sitting on the couch with my sketchbook, drawing whatever came into my head. I got a few hands done for my 100 Hands project. I dug a Bjork book out of the closet and starting drawing a black and white shot of her. I spent about two hours on it, and so far I'm pleased. Which is amazing in and of itself, really. A bonus is that both of her hands are front and center, so I can count it as two of the 100 as well. It was overall just a lovely way to spend the evening, and something I don't do nearly as often as I should. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that I actually do enjoy doing these things. I don't know why.
My tattoos are completely healed now, and I still love them. I need to design my brother's thing before he disowns me. I'm dreading it.
My cat was running like crazy through the apartment tonight, and banged right into the coffee table. Head first. Hard. It was very sad, but I'll admit it: I laughed. I made sure she was okay first, though.
I don't have school tomorrow. I'm going to the market with Cassie in the afternoon, and then I need to run around and do a few other things. I'm really in the mood for a Buffy-thon, and if no one is interested then I'm just going to have one by myself. At some point this weekend I'm making manicotti. It should be a good time. |
|
|
| Pity the fool! |
[Dec. 18th, 2005|01:46 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Phantoms," Acceptance | ] |
So it's winter break, finally. The last week was crazy. So much due, so little time. I kind of screwed myself by taking so many classes this semester, but I got everything done in the end. I know I have an A in American Art, but everywhere else is kind of a mystery. I got a 21/25 on my Survey of Styles final, which I thought was pretty good until I figured out that it would only amount to an 84%. So that's kind of disappointing, but still not terrible. I'll probably end up with a mixed bag of As and Bs, which should make me happy but doesn't. Last semester I had all As. That's pretty much the standard I hold myself to. Next semester I need to buckle down a little more. Not to mention develop some time management skills. They would help immensely.
I feel like I'm getting dumber. I need to make time to read more.
Anyway. Christmas is in one week, and I have exactly zero gifts in my possession. Adam's and Cassie's are one the way, but otherwise everything is either a) a project in my head that has yet to started, or b) not even decided yet. And because I am very, very stupid, I set myself up to work four days this week - two at Michael's and two at the Chestnut House. On Monday I'm going to visit my parents and have dinner at Passage to India with Adam. So the only days I have completely free to craft presents between now and Christmas are this Sunday and Wednesday. And I fucking work on Christmas eve! Now, I'm no authority on these things, being a non-Christian and all, but I'm pretty sure that makes the baby Jesus cry. For reals, yo.
Christmas is basically pissing me off this year.
There was a party last night and another one tonight and I didn't go to either. I've been tired and now I'm crampy and just feeling generally unsociable. And not really like drinking, which is unfortunately the crux of 99.9% of our gatherings. I mean, yes, I enjoy getting drunk sometimes. But I do with that people could get together sometimes and NOT be intoxicated, you know? Because I go through phases where I just don't feel like drinking, and being the only sober person at a party full of drunk people isn't really that much fun. Also, it kind of leads to parties being the only place I see people. Which sucks. Especially when it's people like Cassie, who I heart like crazy and love hanging out with but lately only see when we're getting drunk with 20 other people. Which is fun and all, but hanging out together doing other, non-drunk things is also fun and does more to cement a friendship, I think. If that makes any sense. Which it night not.
I made chocolate chocolate chip cookies yesterday and samosas tonight. Both were delicious. I enjoyed having them in my mouth. Especially when two of the cookies got some vanilla Tofutti stuck between them. So good. I was talking to Eric at work today and he asked me how I could possibly eat badly as a vegan. I laughed and laughed. Clearly he's never eaten at my house.
My Mr. T bobblehead is staring at me. Freaky. |
|
|
| lost at sea |
[Nov. 26th, 2005|01:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | discontent | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Room Noises," Eisley | ] |
It's been a month since I last wrote here. It's really kind of sad that I don't even feel the need to summarize the events that happened in that time. Alas.
I've been listening to Eisley all day. It makes me want to go for walks in bare winter woods and take fragile black and white photos.
Thanksgiving passed without much in the way of excitement. A small portion of my family got together at my brother's house to eat the decaying corpse of a tortured bird and watch football. I took spinach and butternut squash pasta but no one really touched it except for my mom. Whatever. More for me. In the past few days I have also made: black beans burgers, chocolate pudding cake, and apple spice streusel muffins. The muffins sounds great, right? Yeah, not so much. Very disappointing. I may actually throw them out, which is nearly unheard of in this house. Throw out a baked good? Madness! But these are just so bland. The streusel tastes like sand. I hate it when things accidentally rhyme and then I feel like I have to go back and reword everything. Fuck that.
I need to find a recipe for veggie burgers that don't suck. The ones I made this week are okay, but they're very... smushy. And if there's one thing I don't like it my food, it's smush. I made one for lunch today and I guess I didn't heat it for long enough because when I ate it it was still cold in the middle. Cold AND smushy. Delicious, I know. I am a gourmet chef, make no mistake.
Anyway. My uncle died. It feels so weird to just say that. It feels weirder to not be very sad about it. I mean, yes, it's sad. But we weren't close. I haven't seen him (or my aunt, for that matter) since I was maybe 12 or 13. So a good ten years has passed. My dad called tonight to tell me that the wake is tomorrow morning. I work in the afternoon, but I could make it work. Hell, I could call off and no one would think worse of me for it. The death of a relative is as valid an excuse as you're going to get until you keel over yourself. But I'm still unsure of whether I want to go or not. I probably should.
I've had pretty much the whole week off school and still managed to get nothing done. Is there an actual condition wherein a person has no motivation whatsoever? Because if there is then I have it. I don't know what the hell my problem is otherwise. I kind of want to punch myself in the face, but I can't even muster the motivation to do that. Mostly because it would hurt. But still.
The end of the semester is fast approaching and I kind of feel like I'm going to be asphyxiated by a logjam of due dates. Fun! See above re: chronic inability to get off my ass.
On that note, I need to sleep. |
|
|
| there was nothing we could do |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lethargic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Everything In Transit," Jack's Mannequin | ] |
Dinner. What is it? Gasp! It looks like chicken! But it's not. I made seitan for the first time the other night, and although it didn't really come out right it still made some decent General Tso's Seiten.
It is so cold in my apartment. It's last October all over again. I need to call the landlord tomorrow, because this needs to be taken care of ASAP. I'm fully dressed (including a fleece sweatshirt and boots!) and I'm still sitting here freezing my ass off. It's ridiculous.
Today we went to the Brandywine River Museum for school. It was went and cold and there were like 8 million whining brats milling around the place (no there were not!) - okay, maybe 30 - but it was awesome to see N.C. Wyeth's stuff up close and in person. The others were nice to see as well, of course, but N.C. is my boy. I heart him. I'm doing my American art paper on Captain Nemo, which was amazing in person. I think Fight In The Forest was my favorite, though. Just... wow.
I rode back with Diana, Zack, and Justin and it was good times. Listening to Dane Cook and making people uncomfortable at Wendy's. Fell asleep in American Art. Test next Tuesday. Gah.
I want to start a paper journal again. I could just write in my sketchbook, but when you're in art school that's no more private than this is.
Anyway. I need to do homework now. I really, really do. So I'm going to go do that. No comic shall conquer me! Ahoy. |
|
|
| I was in my kitchen and I heard it, so I came out. |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|01:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Volcano," Gatsby's American Dream | ] |
Today was good. I got my rock/feather into the computer during Animation, but I need to go in and darken the rock bit up a little before I drop it into his server folder for next week. We watched a fairly boring video in Comic Art and I kept falling asleep, but then I got started on my pencilled pages. Yay. I'm not loving this project, but the next one sounds amazing. We get to adapt a bit from any book we want. So many to choose from! I can't wait.
After class I took Cassie and Justin grocery shopping and then later a bunch of people gathered at their place to watch VMars. Because it's amazing. And it was. Eric and Seth were confused, but I know Seth at least liked it a lot. So that was pretty sweet. Then Kevin came over in his PJ's and we watched Dane Cook be hilarious and everyone pretty much laughed until they peed a little bit. People just kept coming over. It was awesome.
Yeah, Cassie tagged me to do this:
Name 10 things that make you happy and tag five others
1. All the awesome people in my life.
2. Veronica Mars!
3. Dead baby jokes.
4. PCAD.
5. Soft corduroy jackets.
6. Touching Cassie's ladies.
7. Dinosaur facts on Dixie cups.
8. Finding new music.
9. Boots.
10. That rare and elusive feeling of belonging somewhere. Aww.
I freaking love my friends, seriously. They get no better than this.
I'm not tagging anyone because I'm pretty sure no one really reads this. |
|
|
| blah |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|01:12 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | discontent | ] |
I haven't updated in almost two weeks. I don't really have anything to say at the moment except that I'm frustrated and amazed at my own stupidity and pretty much annoyed by the fact of my own existence. I fuck up everything I touch and I'm never happy for very long. Something always comes along to ruin it. Small things. But enough to decimate the illusion. I've been told many times that I'm too hard on myself. Funny thing is, most of the time I don't think I'm hard enough.
Having school 5 days a week is... unpleasant. It's just go go go go all the time, and then work and homework on top of that. And a feeble attempt at a social life. I feel like I never just get to chill.
Anyway. I get to put a substantial amount of money into my bank account tomorrow, so that's a plus. The minus is that it's pretty much reserved for rent and stuff. But really, I'm not complaining. Except that I am. Just not about this particular thing.
End. |
|
|
| buffalo go "errrgh." |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|02:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Equally Cursed & Blessed," Catatonia | ] |
My keyboard is the most disgusting thing ever. Seriously. I just thought you should know.
Thursday night I had far too much Southern Comfort and then got sick like I don't even know. And when I say that, I'm being honest. Everything after the puking is a mystery to me. I have to say, not the best feeling ever. And then I got up at 8 and went to work. And then to school. These were also bad feelings. I'd say I'm never drinking again, but that's a damn lie and we all know it. But I have no plans to drink this weekend, at any rate. Right now just the thought of alcohol is enough to make my stomach turn. Urgh.
I didn't get up until 12 today. So lazy. Also, my bank is now closed. I won't be ticking that off my To Do list, I guess. I have to do laundry and go to the grocery store and maybe get some homework done. I'm debating between stromboli and lasagna for dinner tonight. What can I say? I'm feeling my Italian roots this evening.
I saw Serenity with Adrianna yesterday. In a word: amazing. I'll be seeing it again with Adam at some point, and that makes me happy.
Anyway. Off to do stuff. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
superlemon's journal